


i'm tired of this place (i hope people change)

by beautiful_suicide



Category: Big Bang (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Birthday, Bullying, Cyberbullying, Dance Team, Darkness, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Dom Tae, Eating Disorders, First Dates, Friends to Lovers, Hyungs, I MEAN ITS REALLY LIGHT, LIKE MAYBE IF YOU SQUINT YOU CAN SEE IT, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overworking, Punk JB, Punk Jackson, Punk Taehyung, Recovery, Rollerskating, Scratching, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleepy Cuddles, Sobbing, Strangers to Friends, Sub Jungkook, Suicide Attempt, TOO MANY TAGS BUT IDGAF, WHEN I SAY LIGHT, bambi jungkook, caring taehyung, cold parents, concussion, developing mental illness, i got teary writing the last chapter, muteness for the most part, negativity, punk jimin, quiet jungkook, sassy jungkook, trying to make breakfast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:59:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5944699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautiful_suicide/pseuds/beautiful_suicide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I thought I told you to text me…Jungkook.” Taehyung rolled his name around like it was sinful and it may or may not have sent a shiver down his spine.</p><p>“I thought I told you that I wasn’t on the menu.” Jungkook mumbled as he grabbed a rag and started to wipe the counter off half-assedly. Jungkook heard Taehyung chuckle underneath of his breath then he felt a hand land on his chin. His face was pulled upwards and he was forced to look directly into the handsome man’s brown eyes.</p><p>“You’re not on the menu for anyone but me.” He said, tilting his head a certain way and damn if it didn’t make him look intimidating as fuck with his dark brown eyes looking directly into his soul.</p><p>Or</p><p>The one in which Jungkook really likes Taehyung, goes to college, and a lot of bad shit happens that makes him do some stupid shit. (That's it, that's the story)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. quiet, peaceful, and tattooed guys

**Author's Note:**

> HEY GUYS.  
> That little series I wrote before jump started my passion for writing once again, so here I am with a longer BTS fanfiction and this time it's Taekook edition!!  
> I hope you guys like!

Jungkook was different from a lot of people. He didn’t like to go out and party on the weekends, nor did he enjoy study until it felt like he was going to pass out.

Many people would describe Jungkook as being withdrawn, quiet, and sort of sad like. It’s not like Jungkook was sad at all though. He just was more realistic about life. Jungkook liked to just take his time with everything, savoring every little last thing to the last drop.

Jungkook would assume that he was withdrawn and quiet because of his home life. While he may have had both of his parents and an older brother who he tried to be a shadow of but his parents were cold and stern. They were blunt and demanded the best of them. Both Jungkook and his brother had to receive top grades and be in sports or else they would get the cold shoulder from their parents.

And although his parents wanted them to be on top of everything, they didn’t like to hear them talk. Any time Jungkook tried to speak with his parents about a trip for school, or an activity that he wanted to try out with his ‘friends’, or something a teacher had asked them to ask their parents, he was always rewarded with a ‘ _Jungkook, be quiet, not right now’_ or a ‘ _Will you ever shut up, boy?’_.

Jungkook loved his parents, he did but they made Jungkook hate his own voice. After years of being told to be quiet and to shut up and to keep his mouth shut, Jungkook finally learned and stayed quiet. He never asked another question to his parents, he never once made a comment on anything, although he really wanted to. Jungkook become selectively mute. No one cared though, so Jungkook didn’t try to change his muteness.

School was a whole other issue. Jungkook may have been on top of grades and been on the football and basketball team, but that didn’t mean that he was liked that much. People in his grade always thought of his as a suck-up, a goody two-shoes, the ‘perfect child’. He was picked on more than he would like to admit for his floppy hair, his uniform being in perfect condition, for having good grades. The people that did talk to him didn’t really care about his life or who he was as a person. They liked having Jungkook around because it made their day to leak stuff about his life to other people in school.

Once Jungkook became permanently mute, at school and at home, he gave the cold shoulder to everyone. He looked at everyone with a glare that was burning with an intensity more so than Hell itself. The end result was those so called ‘friends’ abandoning him, people starting to leave him alone because he was a lot more intimidating this year than the last, and teachers becoming frightful of talking to him. Jungkook hated pushing teachers and people who had been nice to him away but it was nice to have some quiet in his life.

It was his last year of high school. He aced through his classes like no other even without the teacher’s help and graduated in the top ten of his year. Almost immediately after his graduation, he moved out of his parent’s house with no explanation and no fucks to give. He started to rent an apartment near the college he was going to be going to in the fall.

Jungkook already knew his funds from his parents were going to be cut off so he got a job at a café near his apartment and worked as a barista some days and other days he was a waiter. Also, on the weekends he had gotten lucky and was performing small gigs with a small group at a local club. They got paid small amounts of money for performing but the money that Jungkook made from working at the café and the gigs was enough to pay his rent and bills.

Sadly, it was not enough to pay for his college tuition, so he had to put that on the back burner and worry about his life in the present.

Three years had passed and Jungkook finally turned 21. He was still working the job at café, though he was now co-manager of the tiny business, and was performing gigs with the guys he had known now for a couple of years. The guys names were Youngjae, Kunmipook (though they called him BamBam), Yoongi (his nickname on stage was Suga), and Namjoon (though everyone called him Rap Monster). Youngjae was the main vocalist. BamBam was in charge of aegyo, bass, and rap every now and then. Yoongi was the 2nd main rapper and played the drums. Namjoon was the main rapper, henceforth why he was called Rap Monster. Jungkook was the main guitarist.

Although he had spoken to the group every now and then, he was still not comfortable with trying to speak or sing to a whole audience in a club. The guys understood and never tried to force him into singing during a performance.

And though Jungkook liked the feeling and the rush of being on stage, nothing would ever compare with the quiet and peaceful energy of the cafe.

Like right now, Jungkook was wiping off counters in the café he had become acquainted with. The name of this small little café was Butterfly. The owner, Kim Seokjin, said he had named the café after he dream of being free and being able to discover other places than the one had grown up in. Jungkook had smiled warmly and nodded because he understood and still does understand what Seokjin meant.

After working consecutively for 4 years at the café, Jungkook had developed a brotherly relationship with Seokjin. Seokjin worried about Jungkook and whether or not he was eating properly and was sleeping well. Jungkook always made fun of his hyung and chased out of café jokingly.

“Ya, Jungkook-ah!” He heard Seokjin yell from the other side of the café.

“Hmm?” He made a questioning noise in the back of his nose.

“Do you think you could make the orders and I’ll ring them up for now? It’s going to busy day and you’re faster than me at making the drinks and getting the right food.” Jungkook nodded gently but let a small smirk cover his face.

“Not my fault you’re so slow, _old man._ ”

“Ya!” Seokjin reached out and put Jungkook in a gently headlock and ruffled his hair. “You little brat! Why do I let you work here?”

“Because you loooooooove me.” Seokjin snorted and shoved Jungkook towards the back of the counter, where all of the different flavorings and types of coffee were placed at.

Less than 30 seconds after they got settled into their positions, the door was pushed open and in flooded the rush of people they usually got in the morning.

Jungkook worked on auto pilot, making the drinks with careful precision but quickly getting them done. The recipient was always grateful for how fast he worked and diligently he got the task done, which in the end earned the café a little more money because they usually tipped them.

A few hours passed and the rush had finally gone down. There was only a few people in the café now who had sat down so Jungkook leisurely took his time around the café and asking people want they wanted to have all the while having a short and simple conversation with them about their day. He always made sure to end the conversation with a gentle smile and a nod before turning back to the counter to get their order.

Jungkook had just delivered the last order he had at the moment to the elderly couple sitting in the window seat when the door opened again and laughter of males floated in. Jungkook’s eye twitched slightly but he gently sat the food and drinks down on the table in front of the couple and told them that he hoped they liked it.

Jungkook sighed and turned around to look at the four males that had entered and sat down at a booth. They were still laugh loudly as if people didn’t come here for quiet. Jungkook wasn’t annoyed at the boys per say, but he was annoyed at the noise. He got the job at the café for the peace and quiet. If he wanted noise, he would have gotten a job at the local strip club.

Jungkook put on a small smile and walked to the four boys though and pretended like it would be his pleasure to serve them.

“Hello! Welcome to Butterfly! What can I get you guys today?” Jungkook put a slight perkiness in his voice as he pulled out a notepad to take down their order.

“Are you on the menu because **day-um** , you are fine.” The one with silvery-blond hair said as he cocked his head to the side with a cocky smile on his face. Jungkook faked smiled at his face and said sweetly, “Fortunately, no, I am not. What would you like to have?”

“If he can’t have you, can I have your number?” The one with dark brown hair and a snapback on asked with a laugh in his voice. Jungkook immediately dropped his fake smile and leaned in towards the pair who were asking for him like he was a meal. Jungkook may have hated talking a lot but this two guys were pissing him off quickly.

“I don’t know what you guys want but I’m going to be as clear as possible right now. I am not and will not be on the menu. You either order something to eat or drink or you get the fuck out. This is a café, not a place where you pick up your next boytoy. Got it?” Jungkook made sure to put an icy feeling into his words and he got great satisfaction from watching the slightly tattooed, leather wearing men look ashamed for a moment and watched as they nodded.

“Now what do you want?” Jungkook wrote down as fast he could as the two guys he had just told off rattled off what they wanted like they already knew what they came in here for. Jungkook turned to the other two guys, one with bright red hair and the other with dark brown hair and green highlights, and waited for them to tell him what they wanted.

The bright haired one told his order off slowly, all the while he was full of smile and laughter and there was just a bright energy to him. The last male, the brown haired one with green highlights, looked Jungkook over with his brown eyes with eyeliner smudged around them.

The guy was wearing ripped skinny jeans, a vintage Nirvana shirt, dark brown Timberlands and a denim jacket that was thrown over the back of the chair to complete the look. He had a few tattoos on his arms and piercings in his ears, lip, and tongue it looked like when he licked his lips.

Jungkook wasn’t one to always check out his customers but this one just ignited a fire in his stomach.

“Feisty. I like it.” The male said. His voice was a lot deeper than Jungkook had expected so he didn’t have a response ready. “Just a caramel macchiato for me.” He finished his sentence.

Jungkook just wrote down the order quickly and nodded his head before making his way to the counter to throw together the four miniature orders. Less than ten minutes later, Jungkook had made his way back to the table with the four drinks, two sandwiches and one cookie. He sat them in front of the appropriate person then made his way back to the counter where he wiped off the counter and started to make fresh cookies and muffins.

Around thirty minutes later and three more customers, the male group was ready for their bill and Jungkook dropped the bill off gently before getting back to calming a little girl down who was upset because her invisible friend wasn’t talking to her anymore.

Five minutes later, a no more crying little girl, and an emotionally exhausted Jungkook found his way back to the table of four guys where he grabbed the bill and swiped the card they handed him and quickly went back to the table to hand them back the card and wished them a nice day.

Jungkook quickly found his way back to the counter and opened up the place where the receipt still lay and he was about to throw it away when he noticed something was written on the back.

_You’re feisty. I like that. Give me a call sometime, doll._

_354-264-1045_

_-Taehyung xoxo_

Jungkook really wanted to throw the receipt away but some monster in his head had him putting the receipt in his back pocket and he already knew that from the moment he saw the brown haired, green highlighted hair of that man, _Taehyung,_ that he was absolutely fucked.


	2. normalcy, first dates, and piggy-back rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook sees Taehyung again after a good three months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am emotionally drained. I just got done taking an Anatomy, Chemistry, and U.S. history test just a few hours ago and I don't know how I managed to drag this out of me. But here it is :D

But things didn’t go haywire. Jungkook never messaged or called the number but that doesn’t mean that he threw it away. Jungkook continued working at the café and playing at the club. He didn’t see the man, _Taehyung,_ again at the café. Jungkook didn’t worry that much about it.

October, November, and part of December passed. Jungkook spent less time at the club and more time at the café as the months went by, working on saving up money to go to college in coming up year. Jungkook dyed his hair a darker brown as the months went by. He just wasn’t feeling the medium brown anymore.

Also, his outfit style has changed slightly. Instead of wearing plain white tee shirts and black jeans all the time, he had added some variety. He wears red, dark blue, white (of course), black, and dark green. He wears ripped jeans, shorts, sweats, and some skinny jeans.

Right now, Jungkook was wearing tan Timberlands, ripped skinny jeans, a plain white tee shirt, and a red beanie. It contrasted well with his dark black brown hair. Jungkook had just wiped a hand over his face and was constantly checking on the cookies he was making for a couple on a date who had sat in the corner giggling over the slightest of things.

Jungkook adored teenagers out on their first date and the awkwardness that came with it. It was precious. Jungkook let a soft smile before going back to watching the cookies so they didn’t burn.

Jungkook got lost in his thoughts like he normally did and he didn’t hear the door ring, the bell was to notify if someone was coming in or exiting. He stayed still and looked intensely into the oven, eyes checking over every cookie.

“I never thought I’d be jealous of food.” Jungkook jumped and raised his head a little too fast. Blood rushed too fast to his face and his vision went black for a second before it cleared.

There he stood, _Taehyung_ , the man who haunted his dreams for the last three months.

“Hey there, sugar.” Taehyung practically purred the pet name while Jungkook cringed on the inside. He ignored the man, even though Taehyung already knew that Jungkook had seen him.

A moment passed by and Jungkook was taking out the cookies.

“Hey.” Taehyung sounded a bit annoyed/angry now. Jungkook lifted his head and looked around before replying.

“Me?”

“Who else would I be talking to?” Taehyung said, waving his hand about the empty café. Jungkook just shrugged his shoulders and blinked innocently.

“I don’t know. All I know is that my name is not and will never be sugar, or doll for that matter.” Jungkook replied as he placed the still hot cookies on a tiny saucer to take over to the awkward first date.

Taehyung’s lips threatened to lift. “As I said before. Feisty.” Jungkook rolled his eyes internally before walking over to the couple and setting the cookies down. He smiled at the two girls gently and watched as they both blushed and giggled as they reached out for a cookie at the same time.

Jungkook made his way back to the counter where Taehyung still stood, playing with the sleeve of his leather jacket.

This time, Taehyung was wearing black combat boots, dark ripped skinny jeans, and a loose dark blue sweatshirt that contrasted with his green highlights.

In other words, Taehyung looked damn delicious.

“I thought I told you to text me… _Jungkook._ ” Taehyung rolled his name around like it was sinful and it may or may not have sent a shiver down his spine.

“I thought I told you that I wasn’t on the menu.” Jungkook mumbled as he grabbed a rag and started to wipe the counter off half-assedly. Jungkook heard Taehyung chuckle underneath of his breath then he felt a hand land on his chin. His face was pulled upwards and he was forced to look directly into the handsome man’s brown eyes.

“You’re not on the menu for anyone but me.” He said, tilting his head a certain way and damn if it didn’t make him look intimidating as fuck with his dark brown eyes looking directly into his soul.

“Why only you? You don’t own me. I don’t belong to you.” Jungkook sassed back before forcing his head of out of Taehyung’s hand. Jungkook went back to wiping the counter but watched underneath of his eyelashes as Taehyung’s eyes went a shade or two darker and his face got a little darker.

A hand gripped his wrist and Jungkook went to shake it out of the man’s grasp but the grip just got tighter.

“Don’t play around with me, sweetheart. I don’t take being teased and sassed easily. You tell me right now whether or not you want to talk with me. If not, I’ll be back out that door and you’ll never see me again. If you do, we can sit here for hours until this place closes and talk about random shit. But do not mess around with me. You’ll regret it.” Taehyung said evenly, his voice as loud as every other conversation but his tone showed anything but calm.

Jungkook looked into the man’s eyes for another minute before he went back to weakly wiping the countertops with no effort whatsoever. He heard Taehyung’s foot tapping. He was totally waiting for a response.

Jungkook sighed and sat the rag on the counter before looking up at Taehyung.

“Alright.” That was all Jungkook said before Taehyung smiled this amazing 1000 watt smile that left Jungkook blinded. Taehyung sat down with excitement on the stool in front of the counter and cupped his face.

Jungkook had to stifle a laugh because it was adorable just how fast Taehyung could switch from this dominating alpha to a cute teenager who was wanting to know all about his crush.

Taehyung looked at him was dazzling brown eyes.

“Tell me about yourself, _Jungkook_.”

Jungkook repressed a shiver.

“What do you want to know?” He said instead, not willing to give up his whole life story just as of yet.

Taehyung hummed and thought about it. Jungkook tilted his head and watched as he tapped his chin in thought.

“How old are you? What’s your hobbies? Do you have a social media of any kind? Who’s your favorite idol? What’s your favorite type of sweet?” Taehyung looked like he was about to ask about ten other questions but Jungkook interrupted.

“Woah there, cowboy. Slow down a little bit.” Jungkook said, elbows now on the counter from where he was leaning against it.

“I turned 21 about three months ago. I enjoy singing, reading, taking photos of random moments, and dancing. I do have social media. In fact, I have a Facebook, an Instagram, a Twitter, and a Snapchat. My idol is and always will be G Dragon. Also, I really enjoy any time of sweet as long as isn’t anything hot.” Jungkook fired off answer after answer to his couple of questions.

Taehyung kept his eyes on Jungkook with rapid attention for the next three hours. He wasn’t kidding about staying for hours until the café closed and talking about random shit.

Jungkook learned Taehyung’s full name was Kim Taehyung. Taehyung was 22 and his birthday was on the 30th of December, which was coming up in about two weeks. Taehyung enjoyed cute things, though he looked very much like an emo/punk idol, and enjoyed touching said cute things. Taehyung also had a younger sister and a younger brother whom he absolutely adored.

Taehyung had told him that although he looked very intimidating, he was actually a super soft person on the inside. He just showed it to the people closest to him.

In return, Jungkook shared some facts about himself with Taehyung. He told Taehyung that he had wanted to go to college at 18 but he didn’t have enough money to pay for tuition, so he was forced to put his education on hold. He told Taehyung that he had been working in a band playing small gigs in the local club downtown for the past three years.

Taehyung had just been telling a funny story of how he forgot that he was in his literature class and had fell asleep when he was 16 and how he was rudely awoken. In the end, Taehyung had ended up falling out of his seat and hitting his head on the corner of another desk all the while, he had scared the person beside of him who had shouted and tried to get away but ended up falling as well.

Jungkook had tried to hold his snicker in by taking a drink of the hot chocolate he had made for himself but he just ended up breathing the hot chocolate up into his nose and choking.

Jungkook started coughing harshly and grabbed some paper towels to cover his mouth when he felt a hand gently rubbing his back. Jungkook continued to cough until the burn of hot chocolate in his nose was barely there and looked up and locked eyes with Taehyung. Taehyung, the man who was gently rubbing his back like he was fragile.

Taehyung, who was looking at him with the most care that Jungkook has ever seen directed at him in his life.

A few moments went by before Jungkook looked down, his cheeks threatening to start blushing full force. Taehyung cleared his throat and unlocked his phone.

“It’s almost closing time, isn’t it?” He asked and Jungkook looked on the digital clock hanging on the back wall.

Sure enough, the clock read 11:54 PM and the café closed at midnight every night. Jungkook hummed and raised one finger at Taehyung before going to the back of the café and getting his black jacket. He threw it on as he walked through the café, turning off lights and machines.

Soon, all that was left on was the main light of the café. Jungkook flipped the main light off and shooed Taehyung out the door. Jungkook laughed at Taehyung’s dramatics, him throwing his hands into the air like he was offended. Taehyung made his way out onto the sidewalk and as he fake-pouted, Jungkook locked the entrance door and then shoved the keys into his pockets.

Jungkook turned around and shoved his hands in his pockets while he looked at Taehyung. Taehyung stood there in the cold wind with his hair being blown to the side as it hit him harshly in the face.

“I guess this is goodbye?” Jungkook asked, unsure of where they were going with this. Taehyung tilted his head and looked at him sharply.

“Let me walk you home.” It was said as a statement but sounded like a request. Jungkook looked into Taehyung’s eyes and watched as they silently pleaded with him and Jungkook just couldn’t say no.

“C’mon.” Jungkook said softly before turning on his left heel and walking softly down the sidewalk. Jungkook heard footsteps following behind him at a faster pace before Taehyung’s body appeared beside him.

Taehyung’s nose was a dull red and so was his cheeks. Jungkook choked back a laugh but a slight giggle escaped him.

Taehyung turned towards him with a playful glare. “What are you laughing at?” It sounded like a whine so it made Jungkook bit his lip so he didn’t giggle more.

Jungkook just shrugged his shoulders and continued walking with his head looking down at the ground so when a hand pushed at his side, he couldn’t stop himself from being startled and jumped while a little squeak escaped his mouth. Jungkook stared at Taehyung for a moment as Taehyung smirked at him.

“Ticklish, huh?” Taehyung reached out again to grab his sides and Jungkook didn’t think, he just acted.

He made an inhuman noise and bolted. He heard Taehyung’s deep laughter and then the footsteps that thudded after him. Jungkook didn’t really fully run but he did jog away at a quick pace.

He had barely gotten to the end of the sidewalk where it would turn the corner around a building when Taehyung’s arm wrapped around his waist and lifted him slightly off of the ground. Jungkook squeaked and hastily grabbed onto Taehyung’s arms that were the only thing keeping him off of the ground.

But then Taehyung’s arms grabbed his sides and just dug into his body. Jungkook’s body arched slightly and he tried to wiggle away because he hated being tickled but Taehyung wasn’t letting go. He kept digging his fingers into his side and laughed as Jungkook kept trying to get away.

Jungkook finally resorted to pleading with him.

“Taehyung! Stop! I’ll do anything!” He yelled as laughtered kept bubbling in his throat.

“Anything?” He breathed into Jungkook’s neck, his fingers pausing for the moment.

“Mhmm.” Jungkook assured and breathed in deeply once the arms left his waist.

“I’m going to hold you to those words.” Taehyung said with a gently smile on his face as Jungkook turned around. “Where exactly do you live?” He asked Jungkook.

Jungkook turned back around and pointed at the building that was about 4 blocks away. “Right there in those apartments.”

Taehyung hummed and got in front of Jungkook and bent down slightly.

“Uh. What are you doing?” Jungkook asked, trying to keep the smile out of his voice.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Get on before I change my mind.” Taehyung sassed softly as he turned his head and smiled at Jungkook.

Jungkook took a breath and then wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s neck and jumped slightly as Taehyung stood up. Soon, Jungkook’s legs were on either side of Taehyung as Taehyung held up each leg with an arm.

Jungkook laid his head on Taehyung’s head and closed his eyes as Taehyung made his way to the tiny apartments. It was peaceful being with Taehyung. That’s the only way he could describe it.

Sooner rather later, sadly, he was sat down in front of his apartment, 12A. Taehyung turned around once Jungkook was safely on the ground. Jungkook smiled and fished his keys out of his pocket before leaning on the wall beside his door.

“You’re a lot different than what I pictured you to be, Taehyung.” Jungkook quietly said, honestly.

Taehyung grinned and just brushed a piece of stray hair out of Jungkook’s eyes.

“You haven’t even seen a thing yet, Jungkook.” He whispered before placing a feather-like kiss on his cheek, smiling gently as his shocked face, and walking away without looking back. Jungkook had just placed a hand on his cheek when Taehyung yelled over his shoulder at him.

“Don’t forget to text this time, alright?” He shouted from the other end of the hall. Jungkook snorted and shouted back at him.

“I’ll try not to, you little shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is unbeta'd so if you find any mistakes of any sort, tell me so I can fix them!  
> Next chapter may be up on Sunday or Monday!!!


	3. texts, rollerskates, and concussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t skate.” He muttered. Taehyung leaned in and cupped his ear.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “I said I can’t skate. I’ve tried for years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote this today, because I won't have time the rest of the week. It's the 'first date' between Taehyung and Jungkook. HOPE YOU ENJOY.

**_Bold and Italtics - Taehyung_ **

_****Italics only - Jungkook  
_

_I had a good time last night._

**_Me too. Do you want to do something again, maybe later today or tomorrow?_ **

_Hmm. I’d have to check my calendar for you. ;3_

**_You little shit._ **

_Wuttt. I can’t help that I’m a busy person. I’ve got a life to take care of, Taehyung-ah!_

**_Bullshit. You work at a coffee shop and I know where you live. I’ll just stick by your side all day then._ **

_Like I wouldn’t like that? You creep._

_**Jungkookieee~!** _

_Finee. I’m off tomorrow. Wanna hang out then?_

**_Pick you up at 11?_ **

_Okai._

_(Conversation end 12/15/15)_

* * *

 

“Taehyung-ah!” Jungkook yelled when the green highlights came into view from his apartments. The head of brown hair lifted and all he saw was that bright 1000 watt smile from where he was standing. Jungkook grinned and ran a hand through his hair, messing up whatever style he had decided to put it into today.

“Jungkookie!” Taehyung exclaimed when he was within speaking distance of Jungkook. Jungkook waved and leaned against the wall he had been standing by for the last couple of minutes.

“Late, aren’t we?” Jungkook said with an eyebrow raised, lifting his phone up to display the current time. _11:17_

“It’s always good to be fashionably late.” Taehyung said, poking his index pointer finger into Jungkook’s cheek. Jungkook just chuckled and pushed his hand away before gesturing for Taehyung to lead the way.

Taehyung turned on his heel and looked over his shoulder slightly to make sure that Jungkook was following. Jungkook saluted to Taehyung mockingly and watched as Taehyung pouted at him with a slight smile.

Because, honestly, how can this man go from being this dominating, ‘I’m always in charge, don’t fuck with me’, alpha to this cute little human being who pouted half of the time.

Taehyung reached his hand back a little bit and opened it, wiggled his fingers at Jungkook and Jungkook didn’t even think about his action. He immediately reached his hand out and interlaced their fingers together and walked a little faster to get right next to Taehyung.

Taehyung turned his head slightly and smiled at Jungkook and Jungkook just grinned back.

* * *

 

“So, where are we exactly?” Taehyung had dragged him to an abandoned downtown park where no really came to anymore. Taehyung just grinned and went behind a half-wall and grabbed two pairs of roller skates, which is the point where Jungkook’s eyes widened a half inch.

“Uh. No.” He muttered, shook his head, and started to back up. Taehyung grabbed his hand before he book it out of there though and dragged him to bench.

“C’mon Jungkook! It’ll be fun!” Jungkook glared at the offending shoes with wheels on the bottom.

“Why are glaring at the shoes? They did nothing to you.”

Jungkook pouted and folded his arms. “I can’t skate.” He muttered. Taehyung leaned in and cupped his ear.

“What?”

“I said I can’t skate. I’ve tried for years.” Jungkook frowned and was going to cross his arms but Taehyung got down on one knee and started undoing Jungkook’s shoes.

“Taehyung-ah! What are you doing?” Jungkook exclaimed. Taehyung looked up at him through his eyelashes and Jungkook’s heart stopped beating for a moment.

“You’re going to sit there and pout like a child, so I’m putting the shoes on you.” He had already slipped the first one on and was now sliding the second one on. He tied the shoes expertly and stood up on his feet before sitting down beside Jungkook again to put his own shoes on. Jungkook just stared at the black and gray roller skates, pitying Taehyung at this moment because he had no clue what he was in for.

Taehyung stood up with ease and then held out his hand for Jungkook to take. He grabbed the hand tightly, hefted himself up, and then proceeded to wobble. Taehyung immediately reached out with his other hand and wrapped it around Jungkook’s elbow to help steady him. Taehyung pulled Jungkook forward slightly and Jungkook moved a few inches without wobbling but the moment Taehyung took his hand off of his elbow, Jungkook immediately went head first into the crook between Taehyung’s neck and shoulder.

Jungkook just grumbled into the crevice while Taehyung was trying to hold his laughter.

“Hey Jungkook?” Taehyung asked, his hands coming up to help push Jungkook off of him and to pull him into a standing position again.

“Yeah?”

“Are you a tidal wave because I want your liquids all over me.” Taehyung grinned after he said this but Jungkook just blanched at him. Then proceeded to hit his chest while Taehyung lost it.

“That’s just disgusting!” And although Jungkook did think it was kind of nasty, he too was having trouble holding in his laughter and staying upright. In the end, Jungkook started laughing and fell to ground because he was shaking and Taehyung followed him to ground, landing on top of him. Jungkook still was laughing whenever Taehyung’s hand stroked his cheek.

Jungkook opened his eyes and looked into Taehyung’s brown ones and saw something that looked akin to affection in his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful.” He heard Taehyung murmur underneath of his breath. Jungkook felt his cheeks start to get hot and he ducked his head slightly and looked at his hands that were trapped between Taehyung and his bodies.

In the next few seconds, he felt something soft land on his cheek and looked up just as Taehyung’s head was moving away from his. Taehyung smiled and nosed Jungkook’s cheek just once before standing up and not shaking on the roller skates and offered a hand to Jungkook again. Jungkook stood up, still shaking, and waved his arms around in windmills in an effort to stay upright. He felt Taehyung put his hands on his waist and hold him still and then they were moving.

Taehyung gently glided from one of the park to the other end slowly to get Jungkook used to the feeling of being wheeled around. Eventually, Taehyung let go of Jungkook, giving words of encouragement as Jungkook slowly tried to steady himself and move at the same time.

After countless falls and tripping, Jungkook finally was able to move a couple of feet without falling. He eventually made it from one side of the park to the other with Taehyung hovering over him, making sure that Jungkook didn’t fall and injure himself.

“Taehyung! I’m doing it!” Jungkook practically screeched, overcome with excitement from being able to actually roller skate considering the last couple of times his friends had tried to get him to do this, he had never been able to do it.

Taehyung let out a joyful laugh and skated in front of Jungkook and started to skate backwards a little faster and grabbed Jungkook’s hands to pull him faster as well. Jungkook wobbled a little at first but his determination was greater and he pushed himself to go faster.

Soon, Jungkook felt his hair whipping around his face and he was laughing almost continually. Taehyung was right there with him, encouraging him to go faster and laughing with him all the while.

But Jungkook’s luck ran out and he misplaced his foot and tripped, falling onto his back. He felt the air leave him in a rush as his back collided harshly with the concrete ground. His back already ached in the center and Jungkook immediately knew he was going to have one hell of a bruise.

Taehyung had slipped down next to him and was saying something to him but Jungkook couldn’t understand him. Once Taehyung’s voice started to float into his ear’s again, Jungkook had registered that he must have hit his head as well, considering that the back right side of his head was throbbing like a mother fucker.

“Kookie, answer me you fucker, I swear to god, I will beat your ass if you do not answer me.” Taehyung said in a deep voice, his tone clearly displaying concern and worry.

Jungkook groaned and turned his head to the side. “Stop talking, please. It hurts.” Taehyung let out a relieved breath and raised a hand in front of Jungkook’s eyes.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Jungkook squinted and tried to see through his double vision.

“Four?” He questioned. Taehyung shook his head and lifted Jungkook off of the ground and sat him against a wall.

“No. I was holding two up.” He answered, his voice now officially worried. He knelt down by Jungkook’s feet once again and undid the skates before running off to get their shoes they were wearing when they first came here.

A few moments later and both Jungkook and Taehyung were wearing their original shoes and the skates were tied together and held over one of Taehyung’s shoulders.

“Alright, up we go.” Taehyung muttered as he pulled Jungkook up and wrapped an arm around Jungkook’s waist. Jungkook laid his head tiredly on Taehyung’s shoulder and let the older male drag him to a bench. He pushed Jungkook down to the point where he was laying down and stood up with only the skates in his hands.

“Alright, stay here but don’t fall asleep. I’ll be right back.”

Jungkook nodded sleepily and struggled to keep his eyes open. It was really tempting to go to sleep.

Just as he started to nod off, Taehyung appeared again and pulled him up into a sitting position. Jungkook grumbled and weakly slapped Taehyung’s chest.

He felt Taehyung chuckle and then Jungkook was slid onto Taehyung’s back. How? Jungkook doesn’t really know.

“Hey.” Taehyung said loudly, flicking Jungkook in the forehead. Jungkook jolted and lifted his head off of Taehyung’s shoulder weakly and raised an eyebrow at Taehyung.

“Tell me something about yourself. Anything to keep yourself awake.”

“I think my family hated me.” He felt Taehyung freeze up but Jungkook didn’t have good control of his mouth right now. “They always told me to be quiet, to shut up, they wanted me to be like my brother who was the definition of perfect. When I told them that I was gay, I think that wanted me to die. I think that if I went outside and got struck by a car, they would have been happy.” Jungkook muttered as if he was thinking. He didn’t even realize that Taehyung was looking at him with sad eyes.

“I wanted to go college. It was my dream at the time. I was ready to move out of the house and to start my own life but once I was out of the house, I had realized that my parents had stopped any funding that they had used to give to me as a child. All of my savings that had been in my account since a young child were just, gone. Just like that. So I had to get two jobs to be able to just rent an apartment and pay all of my bills. I didn’t have enough money to go to college so I gave that dream up.”

Jungkook swallowed and laid his head back on the older male’s shoulder, not even realizing they were now walking up steps to an unfamiliar apartment.

“Sometimes, I used to wish that I hadn’t have born, that maybe I was just a mistake and that I’m just a fuck up.” He didn’t get to get another sentence out before he was pushed up against a wall and then the male who was holding him turned around and someone how still managed to hold the younger male against the wall.

“You listen to me Jeon Jungkook. I don’t care what anyone else says nor what you think. You’re fucking amazing. You’re practically perfect in my eyes. You’re gentle, you’re feisty, you care, and you everything that I’m not and that’s absolutely fucking awesome.” Taehyung lifted a hand from Jungkook’s leg to his face and cupped his cheek.

“I don’t want to hear you saying shit like that anymore, alright? Someone as good as you doesn’t deserved to be talked down to like that.” Jungkook nodded shyly and let out a little squeak when Taehyung just carried him like that, with Jungkook’s legs on either side of him and Taehyung supporting Jungkook by holding onto his thighs, chest to chest.

A door was unlocked a few moments later and the pair moved into a room that was painted a dark gray and the floors were a dark hardwood flooring. Taehyung threw his keys down on the foyer table and carried Jungkook passed the gray room into another room that was a dark blue color.

Taehyung set Jungkook on the bed in the middle of the room. The blankets were in a pattern and alternating color of pink and black. Taehyung knelt down once more and undid Jungkook’s shoes and tossed them carelessly to the side of the room. He stood back up and pulled Jungkook’s jacket off of him and undid his belt before throwing them to the same side of the room where his shoes were.

Taehyung pushed Jungkook down and shushed him when Jungkook made a noise of confusion. Taehyung left a minute later and came back minutes after that in only a loose grey tee shirt that had a cut on the shoulder and a loose pair of black sweatpants. He got onto the other side of the bed with Jungkook and tucked Jungkook into his shoulder and started humming some random song softly while stroking Jungkook’s hair.

Eventually, it became too relaxing for Jungkook to keep his eyes open and his eyes were fluttering like no other. Taehyung’s voice started to whisper in his ears.

“Go to sleep, Kookie. I got you.”

Jungkook let go and gave into the darkness that welcomed him like an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that certainly didn't end up like I meant to write it but here it is and I hope you enjoyed! Next chapter will be posted on Saturday!!


	4. birthdays, sleep days, and college days.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jungkook? What are you doing here right now?” Taehyung said in his husky ‘I just woke up’ voice. Jungkook just smiled before pulled out a confetti popper behind his back and pointed it at Taehyung’s face.
> 
> He pulled the string and laughed as he watched the pieces of confetti fly directly into Taehyung’s face and hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally just wrote this an hour ago because I'm a huge procrastinator. I haven't had school all week either, mainly due to the flu and we had major water line breaks.

**The Day after the Concussion**

Being awoken to warmth isn’t unusual to Jungkook but waking up to a moving pillow beneath his head was not normal. Peeking one eye open, he stared down on the gray soft tee shirt that was underneath of his head and then slowly raised his head to look at an unconscious Taehyung.

He looked extremely peaceful. He lips were pursed as he breathed in and out and his nose was slightly scrunched up. Jungkook smiled and poked Taehyung in the side before moving the same hand up to his head and holding it because it had started to throb.

“Ouch.” He said quietly. He felt Taehyung move around then he heard him breathe out deeply before Jungkook looked over at Taehyung to see that Taehyung was watching him.

Taehyung’s right hand came up and softly stroked over the back of his head with a gentle hand.

“Your head still hurts, I’m assuming?” Taehyung asked and Jungkook let out a little sigh and nodded. Taehyung smoothed his hair one more time before getting up and heading through a door in the side of his room. Jungkook heard the moving of some stuff and something fell to the floor it sounded like before Taehyung emerged with a bottle of Ibuprofen. Taehyung shook out 2 pills and then handed them to Jungkook.

Jungkook looked at the pills then to Taehyung before back to the pills.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Take them, silly.” Taehyung teased.

“Um. Do you expect me to take them dry?” Jungkook teased back and watched at Taehyung’s cheeks were dusted with pink. Taehyung left the room and came back minutes ago with a bottle of water.

He handed the bottle to Jungkook and then sat beside him. He watched as Jungkook swallowed the pills smoothly before he manhandled Jungkook into his arms.

Jungkook let out a shocked squeak but Taehyung shushed him and held him in his arms.

“My protective instincts are coming out, let me smother you for a moment.”

**Two Weeks are the Concussion**

Jungkook kept knocking on the door as he had been for the last ten minutes. Granted, it was 1 AM in the morning and he really should be asleep since it’s his only day off this week but he wanted to surprise Taehyung.

Eventually, a few moments later the door opened and a sleepy Taehyung emerged, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Jungkook? What are you doing here right now?” Taehyung said in his husky ‘I just woke up’ voice. Jungkook just smiled before pulled out a confetti popper behind his back and pointed it at Taehyung’s face.

He pulled the string and laughed as he watched the pieces of confetti fly directly into Taehyung’s face and hair.

“Happy Birthday!” He yelled as Taehyung watched him with a look of shock on his face. Jungkook just giggled and threw his arms around Taehyung and smiled when he felt Taehyung’s arms come up and replicate what Jungkook was doing.

“Really? This couldn’t have waiting until later?” Taehyung teased as he nosed Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook just shook his head.

“Of course not. You’re not busy today are you?” Jungkook asked, not wanting to distract him. Taehyung shook his head.

“My friends and I celebrated early today. Why?”

“Because we’re going to spend the whole day together and we’re going to do whatever you want.” He said with finality in his voice. Taehyung pursed his lips but then smiled at Jungkook.

“Alright, let me get my jacket, you cheeky little thing.”

Hours later at 10 PM of December 30th, they finally made their way back to Taehyung’s place with hands full of bags of clothes, food, and other miscellaneous objects.

Taehyung pried his door open and Jungkook sat all the bags on the floor and clenched and unclenched his aching hands for holding them for so long. Jungkook may be 750,000 won shorter than he was yesterday, but he immensely happier than he was yesterday.

He had just stood back up when he was tackled in a hug by Taehyung.

“Thank you.” He whispered his Jungkook’s ear. “This has been the best birthday ever.”

**Two Months after the Concussion**

“Kookie-ah!” He heard Taehyung before he saw him.

Jungkook had just wiping down the tables at the café when a wild Taehyung appeared. This time though, his hair had been changed to a bright orange which strangle suited him. It brought out the piercings that he had in his lip, nose, and ears. Taehyung’s eyes were still as bright as ever, but this time he had lined them kohl eyeliner with a hint of red around the edges.

Jungkook’s head had flown up and a smile had automatically flown onto his lips. He had barely threw down the rag when Taehyung jumped on his back and his hands had to go back and catch the back of his legs so he didn’t fall.

“Did you miss me?” Taehyung asked, tilting his head so he could look at Jungkook from the side.

For the last two weeks, Taehyung had went home to visit his family who he had not seen since Thanksgiving due to the amount of money it costed to go from one place to the other. Taehyung had also sent a billion selca’s of him and his brothers just hanging out with some cute captions. There was one message where Jungkook had smiled too huge at. _Maybe next time, you can come with me? ^_^_

“Of course I missed you, you dork.” Jungkook said before dropping Taehyung’s legs so he could wrap his arms around Taehyung’s middle instead. Taehyung ran his hand through Jungkook’s hair and Jungkook could have sworn that he felt lips in his hair.

“I missed you too.” He heard Taehyung murmur quietly. “So much.”

**Four Months after the Concussion**

Groaning, Jungkook turned on his side and tried to pull the blanket over him more but the blanket wouldn’t give. He heard chuckling but his mind thought it was his imagination so he continued to tug on the blanket, hoping for some leeway. Something soft touched his cheek and Jungkook looked through squinted eyes.

Slightly dulled orange hair and a bright yellow tee shirt caught his attention. Jungkook opened his eyes more and stared at the older male that was lying beside him.

“Morning, Kookie.” Jungkook grumbled and scooted closer to Taehyung and threw an arm around his middle before nuzzling his head into Taehyung’s chest.

He felt the male’s chest move like he was laughing and he felt a hand running up and down his back. Taehyung started to say something but Jungkook held up his free hand.

“Shush. Less talking, more sleeping.” He felt the smile of Taehyung on his head but his mind quickly chose sleep over company.

Hours later, he awoke to the smell of something burning yet it smelled amazing at the same time.

Stretching his arms way above his head, Jungkook lazily made his way down the steps of his apartment and immediately went into the kitchen.

He was greeted with the site of Taehyung wearing some ridiculous apron his friends bought him on his 20th birthday and was failing to fry bacon. He heard Taehyung grumbling to himself and Jungkook grinned before going up to Taehyung and wrapping his arms around Taehyung’s middle.

He felt Taehyung jump before looking over his shoulder at him.

A hand pried his arms off from around Taehyung before the body in front of him turned around and grasped him in a cuddly hug. Jungkook giggled before nuzzling his head into Taehyung’s neck as Taehyung nosed at his temple.

“Sleep well?” Taehyung asked as he swayed them back and forth. Jungkook hummed and closed his eyes as he swayed back and forth with Taehyung.

Taehyung eventually released him from the hug. Jungkook pulled back and looked up at the slightly taller male who had invaded his life like none other. Jungkook let out a full grin and watched as Taehyung’s eyes squinted as he let out his beautiful rectangle smile.

Taehyung’s face dipped in and kissed Jungkook straight on the cheek and Jungkook felt his cheek start to burn.

Taehyung deep chuckle echoed in the small area before he wrapped an arm around Jungkook’s shoulder and brought him towards the oven.

“C’mon, you can teach me how to fry bacon properly, alright?”

**Six Months after the Concussion**

“You did not.”

“I did.”

“YOU DIDN’T.” Jungkook shouted as he jumped up from his laying down position on the bed.

“But I did.” Jungkook fell back down on his bed in shock, unable to believe the papers that he currently had in his hands.

_Dear Jeon Jungkook,_

_Congratulations on your acceptance to the Seoul National University._

_You are now challenged with making the very important decision of selecting which college or university you are going to attend. We know that this…_

The thing was, Jungkook had never sent in a college application form nor has he been looking at colleges soon, especially not one that he had considered going to multiple times.

Seoul National University was literally so close to his apartment that he could walk.

“How?” He choked out the word, looking at Taehyung with wet eyes.

“I’ve had money saved up for a really long time and I’m not doing anything with it just as of now so I thought I’d do something productive with it.” Taehyung said, sitting on the bed next to Taehyung.

“I can’t accept this, Taehyung. It’s too much.” He cried out, looked at the paper with shaking hands before Taehyung was shushing him and holding his hands.

“It’s not too much. You have brought so much enjoyment and happiness into my life that I just want to do anything to see you smile, alright? You wanted to go to college, it was your dream. It still is and I want you to be able to accomplish that dream.”

Jungkook let out a low whine and sob before letting his head fall in between his hands. He felt his shoulder’s shaking and then a hand was rubbing his back and also another hand was running though his hair.

He heard Taehyung shushing him and trying to calm him down but Jungkook was just an emotional wreck at the moment.

Minutes later, after Jungkook had gotten his emotions slightly under control, he lifted his face and wiped his eyes before throwing his arms around Taehyung’s middle and pushing his face into his neck.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. _Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”_ Jungkook didn’t know what else to say. He was in a state of shock.

Taehyung hugged him back but kept shushing him.

Jungkook was never going to be able to pay Taehyung back.

**Eight Months after the Concussion**

“I can’t do this.”

“You can.” Taehyung assured him as he steered him towards the University. “You’re Jeon Jungkook, you can do anything that you put your mind to.”

“Well, I don’t want to put my mind to this, so we can just turn around and leave.” Jungkook muttered before he was turned on the spot and his head was pulled upwards by his chin to look into the older male’s eyes.

“Are you really just going to chicken out after all the work we’ve done to get here? Jungkook, you need to have more confidence in yourself and your abilities.” Taehyung’s gaze burned into his mind. Just as Jungkook was opening his mouth to retort something back at Taehyung, Taehyung had moved his head in.

He moved in until their lips were brushing each other’s and Jungkook was frozen for a split-second. Then Taehyung lips were pressed more firmly against his own and Jungkook replicated the amount of pressure. Jungkook’s hands found their way to the back of Taehyung’s neck and Taehyung’s to Jungkook’s back.

Jungkook slide his head to left a bit to deepen the kiss and he swore he heard Taehyung let out a low groan before they parted to catch their breath. Jungkook looked at Taehyung who was looked at him with his brown eyes that were three times darker than they were when they entered the university campus.

“Now c’mon.” Taehyung said and held a hand out to Jungkook. “We need to meet up with the Dean.” Jungkook grasped onto Taehyung’s hand and together they walked into the University building, lust buzzing underneath of their skin.

Jungkook was excited, really he was. College was his dream and now he was getting to live that dream. Nothing could possibly ruin the buzz of excitement underneath of his skin.

He didn’t know just how wrong he was about that statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, these first four chapters have been the exposition/rising action and next chapter we're going to start getting into some good stuff. BTW, THE FIC WILL TURN SLIGHTLY DARK AND DEPRESSING BY CHAPTER 6 BUT IT WILL REVOLVED (MAYBE).


	5. negativity, hatred, and darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One day he looked in the mirror and realized, maybe it wasn’t his body but himself in general.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING REALLY QUICK.  
> I do not hate any people I have put in here to act/portray as the bad guys. I love everyone of EXO, BIGBANG, GOT7, and BTS but I needed someone to act like the bad influences.   
> Please, do not give me shit for the people I chose to act as the bad guys.

College was supposed to be this amazing adventure, right? One where you got drunk with your friends, studied hard during the week, but still had fun.

No one bothered to tell Jungkook about the negativity that came from being in college.

The day that Taehyung and him had walked into the college to meet with the Dean of the college, he was unaware that a few people had spotted them walking in and saw them having an intimate moment. He was unaware that those few people spread the word around campus that some ‘gay dumbass had entered the college and now we’re going to have to deal with a guy who likes taking dick up the ass’.

Or at least, he was unaware until his first day taking any classes.

From the moment he stepped into his Literature class, everyone was staring daggers at him. Jungkook made sure to smile brightly at everyone, even his professor, before going and sitting in the first seat available, almost tripping when an older male stuck his foot out and tried to get him to fall.

Jungkook had just swallowed and sat down shakily, thinking it was just because it was his first day. Everyone would perhaps act nicer once time went on.

But they didn’t.

Two months had went by and everyday he was being pushed, shoved, tripped, called horrible names, and basically bullied to the point of tears.

He hadn’t had a clue as to why everyone was being rude and straight up rude to him until a senior had shoved him against a wall, grabbed his collar, and hissed the word ‘faggot’ at him.

He was going to a public college but a majority of the students here were straight up Christians. There were a few people in the college that had talked to him and had become acquaintances with him but most people here were living straight by the Bible.

And although Jungkook was being bullied and tormented everyday by his classmates, he refused to tell Taehyung and denied any and everything that was going on.

Though, Jungkook would show up at home with bruises sometimes and would have to cover them in makeup so Taehyung wouldn’t be suspicious of anything but Jungkook already knew he was suspicious. Mainly because Jungkook’s smile didn’t stretch from ear to ear anymore, Jungkook was too focused on his studies and forgot to eat a lot, Jungkook didn’t laugh willingly that much anymore. Jungkook wasn’t Jungkook anymore. He was a shell of himself. Just a vessel walking around with no motive.

As for eating, Jungkook shied away from food because aside from the comments of his sexuality, there was comments about his weight. Sure, Jungkook wasn’t the slimmest person around but he was far away from chubby. The comments at school telling him that they didn’t see how anyone could like a fat faggot like him didn’t get to him but when people at school found his Instagram and started to DM everyone morning with negative and downgrading comments, Jungkook found himself starting to believe them.

Every morning, he would lift up his shirt and look in the mirror at his body and be disgusted with what he would see. This would motivate him to eat less and less every day. It started with just not eating that much every meal but then he started missing a meal or two a day then he started not eating every other day.

The old Jungkook would have knew what he was doing wasn’t healthy but this new Jungkook was proud to see that he could see his collarbones clearly, or that he was starting to develop some muscles on his abs and was losing the fat that hung to his bones. Jungkook was proud of how his progress but he still hated what he saw in the mirror.

One day he looked in the mirror and realized, maybe it wasn’t his body but himself in general.

That was the day that he learned that he hated himself.

He didn’t hate his body, or his hair, or his face, or his sexuality. He hated himself. He hated his personality, his thoughts, his eyes, and his interior motive for everything, his passion. He hated himself to the point where he started to hang out with people who made himself feel better about himself just for a little while.

That’s how he got to know Taeyang, Baekhyun, and Kris. They were definitely not the best people to hang around. They got him started on smoking with the trio whenever he was available. Smoking cigarettes, cigars, weed, anything would help him relax and have a little fun and forget the terrible thoughts in his head. Jungkook would laugh freely and smile all because he was high as a kite.

And through Baekhyun and Kris, he met a few other people who got him in a dance team. He met Jimin, Jaebum, and Jackson who he had met at the café the first day he met Taehyung. They apologized immensely for their behavior at the café and swore on their life not to do it again. Jungkook had just grinned and nodded before turning to the other people he was being introduced to.

“Sup? I’m Sehun.” The guy with bleached blonde hair next to Baekhyun said as he nodded his head at Jungkook. Jungkook said his name in return and nodded at Sehun before turning to guy in braids who was leaning against the wall.

“I’m Jongin. Call me Kai though if you’re going to be on the team, alright?”

And there was many more. There were a total of 18 people on the dance team, though they all didn’t perform at one time. There was Kai, Sehun, Chen, Tao, Lay, Xiumin, D.O, Suho, Luhan, Chanyeol, Jimin, Jackson, Jaebum, Mark, Yugyeom, Jinyoung, J-Hope, and Jin. Everyone was used to calling each other by their stage names so this is what Jungkook would get used to know everyone as this.

Jungkook was pulled into the team for only doing little things, such as added dancers so the dance would look fuller. But once the rest of team noticed that he had a talent for dancing, they started to personally train him to get him to be the number one dancer of the group.

A month went by since he’s been put on the dance team. People are still offensive, though not as much since he has 18 backing him up every time someone tries to give him shit for something stupid. Also, Jungkook had to quit the band he had spent the last four years in because of dance and school. They understood though and demanded that he’d contact him sometime and fill them on his life and to not forget about them.

On top of that, Jungkook had not stopped hating himself. He had stopped eating major meals, starting to work out more, and working overtime after dance practice was hours ago but yet, he was still in the studio, trying to perfect the same move over and over again.

He could see that many people were worried and beyond concerned. Also, his grades were dropping. He was almost at the point of getting kicked out of the college for lack of caring about his classes.

One day in October, he was cornered by Taehyung, Jimin, and Jackson. They pushed the conversation on him about how they were worried about, that he hadn’t been himself and that he was pushing himself too hard at dance practice and how he needed to take a break. The words flowed out of his mouth with no thought at all.

“I’m fine, Taehyung-ah, Jimin hyung, Jackson hyung. I’ve just been really worried about the performance coming up and I want it to be perfect. I don’t want to look like a fool.” Jungkook had ducked his head like he was embarrassed and listened as Jackson practically fucking _cooed_ at him.

“Awe! Jungkookie-ah!” Jackson’s arm wrapped around Jungkook’s smaller frame and lifted him. Jungkook had squeaked and demanded to be put down. Jackson did set Jungkook’s feet back down on the floor but still squeezed him. Another pair of arms wrapped around him from the back and Jungkook had to blink the burning feeling behind his eyes back.

Jimin was the person who had joined in on the hug and he nuzzled the back of Jungkook’s head caringly before releasing Jungkook as did Jackson. Taehyung took their place and wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s middle and rested his head in Jungkook’s crook of his neck and shoulder.

Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s neck in response and just swayed back and forth with Taehyung. Taehyung was humming some song off the radio _Just One Day_ by a boy band called _BTS._

“You know you can tell me anything right?” Jungkook nods his head slightly from the place where it is in Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Alright. Because I care about you. _A lot_. Please don’t do anything stupid, alright?” For a moment, Jungkook froze up because he thought he knew was Jungkook was doing. But as Jungkook pulled back from the hug, he just saw genuine concern in Taehyung’s eyes and the next thing he knew, he was pulled forward so that Taehyung could place a soft kiss on his forehead.

Jungkook doesn’t think that his cheeks had ever been as bright as they were in that moment.

* * *

 

Sometimes, the pain of someone else’s words sometimes get to be too much.

That was something that Jungkook discovered a few weeks later.

They had just gotten done with their first performance when Sehun had made a comment about Jungkook. _Really Jungkook, you couldn’t have worked harder on the footwork and just had to make us look like complete idiots? Selfish._

Other members of the dance team had smacked Sehun harshly upside the head and scolded him and telling him _Jungkook worked harder than you did. He got it right the most out of all of us. How about you stop blaming someone else for what you do wrong, Oh Sehun._ And while it was nice that the hyungs were trying to help, the words had already done the damage.

_Fucking idiot. Should’ve worked harder._

_Why the fuck did I stop practicing every day?_

_Why did I fuck up?_

Jungkook swallowed and managed to let a grimace-like smile out. “Ah, Sehun, you know me. I mess up a lot, right?” The other hyungs were trying to disagree and tell him he was doing the best out of any of them and Jungkook even saw regret in Sehun’s eyes but Jungkook just turned on his heel and weaved himself through the crowds of people so he could be away from the scrutinizing stares.

By the time that he had made it back to his apartment, Jungkook’s eyes were burning with unshed tears and his chest was shaking from the force to hold back sobs.

It wasn’t Sehun that caused this breakdown. It was everything. The taunts, the bullying, the worries, the stress, the anxiety. Everything was just too much.

As soon as the door had shut and was locked, Jungkook let himself fall to the floor and he let out a loud sob before covering his face and dragging his hands through his hair before scratching his arms.

Jungkook let his body be moved with the force of his sobs before he stood up and pushed everything harshly off the foyer table and watched as papers fell to the floor unceremoniously and a glass bowl and cup shattered on impact. He threw pictures off of tables across the room and knocked over a chair and his table before sinking to his knees in the middle of the living area. Jungkook wrapped his arms around his body because it felt like he was falling apart and his arms were the only thing keeping himself together.

When he looked up, his eyes immediately came in contact with the long shard of glass that sat just a few feet away from him. He doesn’t know what overcame him but he reached for that shard of glass and looked at it for a few moments with it in his shaky hands.

Breathing in and out deeply, Jungkook harshly pulled up a sleeve before bringing the shard of glass to his arm.

Jungkook never thought he would be like this. He always thought that he would be happy in the end. He never thought that he would be on a floor, desperate for his thoughts to end and for everything to be numb. He never thought that he would enjoy seeing blood blossom on his skin and through the slits in his skin. He never thought that he would like feeling the pain in his arm and feeling the rush of endorphins rush to the area in his body. He never thought that he would take a sharp object to his arm over and over again, trying to block out his thoughts.

He never thought that he would feel like he wanted to die.

Jungkook never thought that he would want to sleep and never wake up again.

He didn’t think that the darkness would be his only friend in his time of need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taeyang, Baekhyun, Kris. I apologize. I love you guys a lot but someone needed to push Jungkook.  
> YEAH, I don't know how many chapters this is gonna have. I'm making this up as I go along.  
> Tell me what you guys think about this story so far? I would love some feedback.


	6. author note: i'll update as soon as possible.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick explanation of what's been happening.

Hey guys.

How's it going?

I haven't had any time as of lately to write a new chapter. I've had multiple tests, including the ACT and SAT is coming up. I just got done taking an anatomy test and I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me. Also, I had an All District Choir performance last Saturday, so that's another factor of why I haven't updated.

I promise that I'll upload a real chapter here soon but I can't guarantee when. Things have been really down in the dumps as of lately.

I thank you guys for your patience and support.

Sincerely,

beautiful_suicide

*please don't give up on this story. it only has, like, 2 or 3 chapters left.*


	7. i'm tired of feeling so numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to die inside just to breathe in. I’m tired of feeling so numb. I just want to feel again. I don’t want to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, school has literally been killing me and I've been having a lot of health issues, along with mental health issues, and sometimes things just go wrong.

****

Keeping a secret was a lot harder than it looked. You were just supposed to keep your mouth shut and that was it, right?

Wrong.

Every time that Jungkook was near Taehyung, Jimin, or Jackson, he was so tempted to blurt out to them, ‘ _Hyung! Help me! I feel like I can’t breathe 99.8% of the time and I feel like I’m drowning. Save me from the darkness!’_ but every time he opened his mouth, he choked on his words and just played it off as choking on his saliva.

It’s not that he didn’t want help. He just didn’t know how to ask for it. So instead of getting help, he slowly sank deeper and deeper into the sea of darkness. It was thick, it was suffocating, and it was so hard to see where he wanted to go. It pulled him back when he wanted to forward, pulled him down when he wanted to go up.

He really didn’t like the darkness. And with the darkness came a lack of enjoyment for things he used to love. Food, dance, music, love, Taehyung, any and every thing he used to have passion for just slowly bled away into barely anything at all.

Jungkook wanted to be alive again. He didn’t feel alive. He felt like a walking corpse every time he smoked, or self-harmed, or walked in the darkness by himself.

He didn’t want to feel like he was a failure anymore.

He wanted to love again, he wanted to smile when he came back to his apartment, he wanted to be more affectionate, and he wanted to be him again.

He wanted to be rid of the darkness. He doesn’t want to be so cold anymore, he doesn’t want to find satisfaction in watching his blood spill from his wrists, and he didn’t want to feel as if he is constantly dying.

Jungkook’s tired. He’s sad, depressed, broken, fed up, angry, silent, upset, but most of all, he’s just tired. Tired of pretending, tired of faking who he was, tired of talking, tired of thinking, and he’s tired of breathing.

Jungkook wants it over.

He doesn’t want to deal with this anymore.

And as Jungkook walked closer to the edge of his apartment building, he felt like he was watching from a bystander’s point of view. He was no longer Jungkook. He was someone else, someone outside looking in, and he wasn’t going to do anything to stop it.

He saw himself walk shakily to the edge, slowing down as he got closer. Jungkook watched himself look over the edge and gulp nervously.

 _I don’t want to die._ Jungkook said to himself in his head.

_But wouldn’t you like to be rid of all of the pain, the sadness, the darkness, Jungkook?_

Jungkook shook his head.

“I don’t want to die.” He said out loud to himself.

“I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to die inside just to breathe in. I’m tired of feeling so numb. I just want to feel again. I don’t want to die.” He said, shakily.

Jungkook stepped on the edge of the building, letting the tips of his feet hang over the edge. Jungkook’s teeth chattered, his soft black sweater cardigan flapping furiously in the wind. Jungkook’s purple-brown hair was swept in all directions, his eyes were red and puffy. There was a drip of sweat that was running down the side of his face that he didn’t dare to wipe away.

Jungkook’s hands were wrapped around his body, as if trying to hold himself together.

His lips trembled. “I’m scared.”

Jungkook closed his eyes and let himself sway in the wind.

He was caught off guard when he heard someone call his name.

“Jungkookie, where are you?” Jackson’s voice echoed up the stair well. Jungkook quickly stepped off the edge of the building and quickly wiped his eyes just in time for Jackson to barge onto the roof.

“There you are, Kookie! We’ve been looking all over for you. Are you coming with us tonight to the bar?” Jackson asked, his voice and body language trying to convey aegyo. Jungkook let the corner of his mouth pull up for a second before shaking his head.

“No, I’m not feeling all that great.” Jungkook’s voice shook slightly but it added to the appeal that he was sick.

_Sick in the head._

“Awe, Jungkookie! Come here!” Jackson pulled Jungkook into a hug and felt his forehead like a mother hen and while Jackson looked content to keep Jungkook his arms, Jungkook was internally freaking out.

“I’m fine, Jackson!” Jungkook claimed before practically flinging Jackson’s hand off of him and walking a few steps back. “Just a bad headache.”

Jackson looked taken back for a second before raising his hands in the air and turning around and walking back down the staircase before shouting back at Jungkook.

“Just take some medicine, okay? Feel better!” And with that, Jackson was gone.

Since that moment, four hours had passed and Jungkook hadn’t gone back down to his apartment, nor has he taken any medicine. Currently, he was sitting on the edge of the roof with his head in his hands and he was just letting everything out. He had been weeping into his hands for the last hour, just thinking about everything that had gone bad in the last couple of months, years, his life and he couldn’t stop.

Jungkook had wiped furiously at his eyes but the tears refused to stop. They streamed down in big droplets and dropped off his face quickly.

Jungkook started to scratch at his arms, his neck, and his face, anywhere where his hands could reach. He didn’t stop until he felt blood breaching the surface. Jungkook let his hands drop and his head lowered to his chest, where he continued to sob.

He didn’t realize any one had come onto the roof until he heard a quiet but shocked, “Jungkook?”

Jungkook froze, his muscles tensing up. He clenched his hands around the edge he was sitting on before raising them and wrapping them around himself after he had stood up, still facing the edge of the apartment.

He heard Jackson speak again to him. “Jungkookie, what’s wrong?” He heard Jackson come closer and Jungkook just reacted by instinct and moved a few steps the left, still on the edge, and quickly at that. Jungkook turned on his heel and looked at Jackson, forgetting that his arms had cuts with blood slightly pouring out of them and that his neck and face were blood red from scratching so hard.

Jackson’s eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. Jungkook doesn’t know why but that look on Jackson’s face caused some emotion to well up in him and it burst out as Jungkook started sobbing again. Jackson rushed forward, wrapped his arms around Jungkook and dragged him off the edge until they were in the middle of the roof. Jackson rocked them back and forth and Jungkook just kept his face into Jackson’s shoulder, making the soft material of cotton grow damp with his tears.

He thought he heard Jackson speaking to someone but maybe he was going insane. Jungkook’s tears had stopped a few moments later when he heard footsteps pounding up the steps.

He heard a pair of footsteps rush quickly onto the roof before stopping almost immediately.

“Kookie-ah.” _Taehyung._ Jungkook curled further into Jackson, afraid to see the look on Taehyung’s face.

A hand landed on his shoulder and gently turned him around and Jungkook met Taehyung’s eyes with blurry vision.

“Awe, babe, come here.” Taehyung gently pulled Jungkook into his embrace, running his hands up and down his back as Jungkook began to cry even harder into Taehyung’s shoulder.

Taehyung’s hands began to run down his arms before he pulled on his hands away in confusion only to be horrified when his hand came away red.

Taehyung lifted Jungkook into his arms and quickly walked to Jungkook’s apartment, where Jackson, who had been following them, took the key out of Jungkook’s pocket and unlocked the door.

Taehyung sat Jungkook down on the couch and slid off his ruined cardigan before wincing at the site of his arms. He sent Jackson off to get some rubbing alcohol and some bandages before he started to rub his hand up and down Jungkook’s back again.

They didn’t try to speak about why Jungkook was like this at that very moment, they just wanted him to feel safe and okay.

For the next fifteen minutes, Taehyung cleaned Jungkook’s wounds and was gentle as Jungkook would wince when he rubbed too hard. Once Jungkook’s wounds were cleaned, he was in comfortable clothes and wrapped in a blanket and had a cup of tea in his hands, Taehyung sat in front of him and set his hand comfortingly on Jungkook’s knee.

“What’s going on Jungkook? The truth now.” Taehyung said firmly, gripping his knee a little harder.

It didn’t take a lot to pull the truth out of Jungkook. He started off with chopped sentences at first before he started talking in full sentences. He told Taehyung about the kids, the trio he had hung out with, the drugs, the weed, the smoking, the self-harming, the depression, the self-doubt, the need to be perfect, the anxiety, the mental instability, and how he just didn’t feel like himself.

“I was ready to die.” Jungkook stated quietly into his cup of tea. Taehyung grasped Jungkook’s chin and yanked it up so Jungkook had to look Taehyung in the eyes.

“You listen to me, Jeon Jungkook. I don’t care if you were ready to die. Sure, you’ve put up with a lot of bullshit and a lot of bad things in the last couple years of your life, especially this last year, but you will never, NEVER, give up, you hear me? You’re not a quitter, you’re a fighter, Jungkook.” Taehyung lifted Jungkook’s free hand and started to kiss over the bandages and scars.

Jungkook’s eyes started to water once again.

Taehyung wrapped his arm around Jungkook’s shoulder and kissed his temple.

“I love you too much to let you go, Kookie.”

**4 Months Later**

“Kookie, get your ass down here!” Taehyung shouted up the stairs of the apartment Jungkook and he was sharing.

Jungkook did eventually get down the stairs and Jungkook looked so comfortable. Sweats, a loose tee shirt, Timberlands, and a beanie made him look so good.

Jungkook smiled his bunny smile at Taehyung before going over to him and kissing his cheek and wrapping Taehyung up in a hug.

“I don’t know how I could have done anything without you. I love you.” Jungkook whispered in Taehyung’s ear before turning to door and then having to practically drag Taehyung out of the apartment.

Sure, Jungkook wasn’t 100% stable and he still has his moments of depression and anxiety. Yeah, he’ll have the scars on his arms forever.

But Jungkook was a fighter not a quitter. With Taehyung, he could do anything he wanted to do.

Because that is the power of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. That's the end. I couldn't draw it on anymore because I felt like I was doing an injustice to this piece so I hoped you liked it and leave me a comment of what you thought? Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be multi-chaptered as well. I may not have time to be frequent updater though, due to my schedule with school, additional classes, and projects that deal with those classes.  
> THERE WILL BE AN UPDATE ONCE A WEEK THOUGH.


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